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THE DARK SIDE: I can play with any of ’em

By: David Ziemer, [email protected]//August 25, 2011//

THE DARK SIDE: I can play with any of ’em

By: David Ziemer, [email protected]//August 25, 2011//

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People say I’m crazy because I’ve gone back to practicing law full time out of my basement. Actually, people say I’m crazy for lots of reasons, but that’s the latest one, anyway.

“Why would you do that?” they ask.

Let me explain.

Marsha Norman, the greatest playwright of the latter half of the 20th century, has a play called “Third and Oak,” set in a Louisville pool hall in the late ‘70s. In one scene, the purveyor of the pool hall describes an incident in which a stranger enters with white shoes and his own fancy two-piece pool cue.

He challenges a local to a game and the local grabs a cue off the rack without even looking at which one he’s grabbing. “You don’t even look?” the stranger asks.

The local replies, “Buddy, if you can’t play with any of ’em, you can’t play with any of ’em.”

My friends and I think that’s about the most profound statement ever written in the history of theater. We like to do what jazz musicians call “riff” on that theme.

“If you can’t build a cabin with just a saw, you can’t build a skyscraper with the fanciest construction equipment in the world.”

“If you can’t dig a ditch, you can’t mine for gold.”

“If you can’t make a woman…” Well, I’ll leave that one to your imagination.

Riffing on the theme in the context of the legal profession, it would go like this: if you can’t practice law out of your basement, you can’t practice law out of a corner office on the top floor of the tallest building in town.

The year is 2011. I’ve got a computer and a multi-purpose printer. I’ve got Westlaw. I’ve got the Internet. Whatever other resources I need, I can buy online or access at Marquette’s law library. If I need to take a deposition, I can do it in a conference room at the Milwaukee Bar Association.

I need a fancy office downtown? I don’t think so.

Of course, I thought I did 20 years ago. But even way back then, I really didn’t. I had nothing in my office I couldn’t have set up in my basement.

I’ve got a brief on who is the real party in interest to write; I can do that at home. I’ve got a suppression motion to draft; I can do that at home. I’ve got some documents to review; well, you get the idea. I’m fully equipped to do battle with any stranger from any fancy office downtown.

As far as I can tell, there’s just one thing that could go wrong. You see, in Ms. Norman’s play, on the night in question, the local “couldn’t play with any of ’em.” After losing badly, he killed himself by jumping off a bridge.

But as long as that doesn’t happen, I think I’ll be just fine.

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