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THE DARK SIDE: Shoot a gun outside your house and I’ll take your house

By: David Ziemer, [email protected]//August 16, 2011//

THE DARK SIDE: Shoot a gun outside your house and I’ll take your house

By: David Ziemer, [email protected]//August 16, 2011//

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David Ziemer

When you are a friendly neighborhood lawyer, you never know what sort of advice or representation your clients may need.

The other day, one asked me if I know anything about firearms laws. “Of course I do,” I assured him. “I’ve represented many defendants over the years for violating patently unconstitutional firearms laws.”

He lives in a pretty rough area, and his dog isn’t going to live much longer, so he wanted to buy a nice pistol. But he didn’t want to have to register it with the government.

That wasn’t a problem, I assured him. I advised him to get what’s called a “curio.” Something like an antique Civil War rifle, which doesn’t have to be registered like a regular firearm. I recommended a Soviet-era military-issue pistol from the former Czechoslovakia, and he agreed that would be appropriate for his needs.

He asked how he’d go about finding such a thing and I said I’d make a phone call for him. 45 minutes later, my client was the proud owner of a firearm for the first time in his life– a fine Czechoslovakian pistol.

The next day, he was asking me about the laws in Wisconsin regarding its use. I informed him that, in Wisconsin, the owner of a gun has the right to cower in his home and shoot someone who breaks in. And that’s it.

He wanted to know if he could use the gun if someone was trying to steal his minivan or break into his garage; something like that.

I informed him that he did not have that right. I iterated that, in Wisconsin, a law-abiding citizen has only one right – the right to cower in his house. Just because the guy who steals your minivan has a panoply of constitutional rights, it doesn’t mean the person who owns the minivan has any.

I reminded him about the defendant who was just convicted in Milwaukee County last week, because he shot someone who was stealing from his scrapyard. In any civilized society, of course, anyone with a lawful possessory interest in real property would have the right to use any force necessary, including deadly force, on anyone trespassing with intent to commit a crime. But we don’t live in a civilized society; we live in Wisconsin.

“If you want the right to do anything but cower in your home, move to Texas,” I advised him. I added that if he were to ever fire the gun at anyone outside of his house, I would take every nickel of equity he has in that house in legal fees to represent him. Because that’s what friendly neighborhood lawyers do.

I assured him it would be well worth the money, though. I explained how I would argue that, within the penumbra of the Takings Clause, the Fourth Amendment, the Second Amendment and even the Third Amendment, there is a constitutional right to shoot and kill anyone who is trying to steal your property. It would be a landmark case, and would be studied in all the law schools.

But for some strange reason, he said that he would rather cower in his house than give it to me in exchange for legal services.

David Ziemer can be reached at [email protected].

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