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On Jay Cutler and Barry Manilow

David Ziemer

David Ziemer

After the mighty Chicago Bears lost the NFC Championship Game to the lowly Green Bay Packers, one commentator remarked that, at this point, Jay Cutler has about as much respect in the NFL as Barry Manilow does.

I imagine that’s so. On four occasions, he had Devin Hester wide open for at least a first down, if not a touchdown, and failed to get the ball anywhere near him. Then he sat out the second half with an injury.

But whatever Cutler’s reputation may be, all I know is that I’m in a deep, dark depression I can’t get out of.

But I know I will eventually. After all, I’ve been more depressed before, after the November 2008 elections, and I got out of that. Here’s how it happened.

A friend of mine, Amanda, was 19 years old, and was so excited to be able to vote for the first time (I know, she could have voted the previous year when she was 18, but the only thing at stake in that election would have been which prostitutes would be serving the interests of the teachers’ union on the local school board).

Before the election, we were full of hope. I mean, it’s not as if any real conservatives were genuinely excited about John McCain, but Amanda’s enthusiasm was infectious.

But election night came, and it seemed to me the end of constitutional government in this country. And the days passed, and I just couldn’t get out of my funk.

So, I assumed that Amanda would still be as depressed as me when I met her at the tavern the weekend after the election. But she wasn’t down in the slightest.

On the contrary. Sure, she was disappointed we didn’t win. Nevertheless, she said she was optimistic about it, and hoped everything would be fine. She also thought it was so cool that a black person had been elected president of the United States for the first time.

I felt ashamed of myself, and promised her I would try to be optimistic, too. And it worked. Somehow, just talking to her, and resolving to be optimistic about the election worked, and my attitude improved.

Of course, that only lasted until the inauguration. The optimism turned to anger as the country lurched even further toward socialism than I feared it might. And with a majority of the country just as angry, the nation changed course just two years later, and now, people are optimistic again.

But, at this point, I’m still terribly depressed about the Bears losing the championship. It’s like losing a jury trial that you really thought you were going to win.

And unfortunately, Amanda and I lost touch over time, so I can’t count on her to help me out of this.

Instead, all I can do is quote Barry Manilow: “I need you today, oh Mandy.”


  1. Why are you drinking with a 19 year old at a tavern?

  2. Only a 19 year old would listen to his bombastic drivel.

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