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Commentary: Excerpt from the diary of a madman

By: dmc-admin//December 21, 2009//

Commentary: Excerpt from the diary of a madman

By: dmc-admin//December 21, 2009//

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No reasonable person could possibly dispute that Nikolai Gogol was the greatest writer of his age, in Russian or any other language.

Of course, he also wound up stark raving mad.

Nevertheless, aware of the risks to my sanity, I shall write about my overcoat.

Among my duties here at the Law Journal is attending many social functions – luncheons, dinners, and, of course, cocktail parties. So last night, I braved the single-digit temperatures to attend the annual party of the Milwaukee Young Lawyers Association. It was a splendid party, and a grand time was had by all who attended.

Of course, I wore my overcoat to the party.

It is black, and it looks exactly like the overcoat of every other lawyer in Milwaukee. So I always keep business cards in the pocket. At the end of an evening, I check the pockets of the overcoats, and if my cards are not in a given overcoat, I don’t take it.

Someone, however, obviously doesn’t follow this protocol, and I discovered my overcoat missing when I decided to leave. So, I had to walk several blocks, despite the single-digit temperatures, without my overcoat.

Don’t worry about me, though; I got it back the next morning.

You may ask, “Why don’t you just get a brown overcoat, instead? That way, it won’t look like everyone else’s, and you won’t have to worry about such things.”

Unfortunately, that is not an option. In addition to attending cocktail parties as part of my employment, I also write this column, very appropriately entitled “The Dark Side.” It is included in my assigned duties here to personify evil to the progressive legal community in Wisconsin.

And as I’m sure you know, whether in cartoons, or westerns, or any other genre of entertainment, the villain has to wear a black hat. Since I have to wear a black hat, I have to wear a black coat, too.

I once wore brown shoes with a black belt, and was upbraided by a fashionable young woman. I’d fare far worse should I venture out in a black hat and a brown coat.

So, you see, I have no choice but to wear a black overcoat that looks the same as that of every other attorney in Milwaukee. All I can do is try to convince my fellow members of the bar to follow the same protocol that I do: keep some business cards in your overcoat pocket; and always check the pocket before you grab your overcoat after a party.

If we all do this, then no one has to go home freezing after an otherwise delightful cocktail party. And no one meets the fate that befell the Person of Consequence who mistreated poor Akaky Akakyevitch, when he meekly appealed for help after his new overcoat was stolen.

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